iFail

I think I should go and work for Apple after college.  Know why?  Because I could add to the "i" products like the iPhone and iPod and create the iFail.  I'd rake in so much $$ for Apple, being the head designer, head marketer, head engineer, everything... it'd be a combo job fit for me.

I failed tonight.  Major fail beyond any form of doubt.  Worse than anything I've ever experienced in my entire life.  I can't believe I didn't get it done tonight.

I had asked her to dance at HC, and she responded not now but later.  So I went back to my friends who were prying for info.  They took it as a good sign as did I.  So I went around and danced for some more time with other girls, hung out with friends, etc.  The last 10 minutes, I'm going to find her.  Trouble is, I cannot find her.  I scan the entirety of the gym and mosh-pit dance floor in the center of the gym.  I still fail.

As I walk out, my friends are like "Dude... She was outside with us.  We were waiting for you to come out and find her. " One of them forwent his own last dance to try and find me, since he knew where she was.  I was busy on a wild goose chase in the gym.  At the end of the dance,  I just sorta stormed out past her, half angry and half irritated with myself until I met my friends.

It soon occured to me... later = a nice way of saying "uh... no."  I can't believe I kept my hopes up after hearing this.  I was being an over-hopeful dick about something which most likely and eventually didn't get around happen.  Why didn't I see it coming when it was, for the most part, pretty damn obvious?  Why didn't I get any hints from behavior and mannerisms.

goddamit... w/e... subsequent parts to come in the next days.

where am i headed?

physics labs are a pain in the ass... no joke.  its not that i don't get the material, albeit i hate physics.  i just don't like the labs and the gajillion graphs and tables and worksheets that ensue.  it all piles up and just is a pain in the ass... all the way up. (TMI much?)  i'm only taking physics cuz i already did bio/chem AP last year and i didn't wanna do physio.  oh well... suck it up.

thus begins the mad dash till Early Apps are due... yeeeeeeeee :)

i have 15 fucking days, counting today, to finish 2 essays for brown.  

1) talk about a certain academic experience and how it has inspired u.

2) ur applying to PLME.  talk about how the program is good 4u and what classes u'll take.

k... here's my issue: idk what to write for #1.  i finally chose to write about DECA competitions and stuff.  ok... BrIlLiAnT :) except for one thing... idk how it really "inspired/influenced" me much.  i mean sure, i learned not to procrastinate and be a total dumbass (not!).  but i can't think of that inner meaning yet. now onto #2: i have ideas, just no structure.  its like asking an elephant to walk on a bed of twigs on his tiptoes.  he'll do it, but there's no guarantee what'll result of the glass.  its like turning on a car with everything running, except the parking brake is jammed so u can't move.  its like being superglued to a chair when u really need to use the bathroom.

today, one girl in journo had the school profile on her.  so i decided to take a look at class ranking brackets.  i looked at the brackets looking for my GPA till i scanned the third row from the top.  I mean, my grades aren't horribly shitty though they're not stellar, aka perfect 4.0.  its 2-3 B's per semester pretty much.  as i look at my GPA and my college list, i begin to freak out like hell.  where the hell WILL i land up?  it's at times like these i screwing around, playing games online or chatting or w/e.  but then again, its NOT only those things which play a role.  

Case In Point: last year, i ODed on hard classes and my GPA lept into a abyss and sank.  i was pissed at myself at my performance, but failed to see first that i might have ODed on classes.  2nd semester was smoother coastings, but i still had to work hard cuz i had hella stuff to worry about and still do.  i pulled everything up a notch except for 3 classes, which i maintained an ez A both semesters.  in retrospect, that was stupid on my part for wanting to do hella, but oh well.  

on the other hand, calc at WV is going quite well actually.  pretty damn easy i'd say... so :).  Also, journo + java + french + gov + eh... even lit are all doing pretty well.  physics... working on it so i can get an A at the end of the semester... i hope.  

meanwhile, back to that drasted lab... w/e... we'll see.

oh... and i need to finish the damn worksheet.  sonofabitch>>

college

i've had so much crap to do this and last week that its not even funny.  srsly... so much work from so many different things: JimBo's physics HW, Clarke Essay, journo articles... ugh.  it makes me sick to think of it, but oh well... at least its done (for now) !

today i had my SSR interview.  it went ok i guess.  such random questions... "what ru most proud of?  what do u want your professor to know about u?"  i understand like college is a big thing and schools don't know about me or any other student.  but the random questions... it all just really amuses/amazes me.  i think most of this crap is overrated for the most part.  

i think one person has given me an interesting/fun view on it: Greg. 

i was talking to him and his theory is this: we're worrying our asses off over our grades and SATs and essays. so the best way to eliminate the stress is to do this: screw college and don't bother applying.

i was first like "LOLLERSKATES greg!"  but then, i thought about it and it sorta started to make sense (i never thought i'd say this).  i mean, srsly... when u apply for a job, ppl will look at the school u went to and be like "oh... that's good" or "interesting".  but really, it doesn't matter where we go to College.  it's more important what we do with whatever we learn in college.  it seems like i'm speaking blasphemy, being an asian (indian) kid and not caring.

i care about where i do want to go, but its not like if i don't go to Berkeley or Harvard my life is gonna crash.  but srsly... college doesn't define who we are.  i have a few friends who went to UC davis and i know someone who went to USC.  two of the davis kids, just finishing their undergrad, got pretty good jobs in intel and apple.  the USC kid struggled to get out of undergrad.  it seems really obscure, but yeah... it does happen.  it doesn't matter that they didn't go to "good" places.  they made do with where they were and what they had and got somewhere good.  and the USC person? they're at Wisconsin State apparently, which sorta surprised me, but w/e.

meanwhile, i'll be stressing over my brown essays which are due in 22 days (thanks for reminders patricia)