Finding the Stairway to Heaven

It's Been a Hard Day's Night

2009-04-04T20:35:00.000-07:00

It's been a while since I've written here on this page, so might as well get started.

College:

Well, the final results are in. Now's just the waiting for which school gives me a more lucrative offer, or which offer I can use to play hardball with another school I'm interested in; thus, I can try to secure the best deal financially for myself. Right now, it's between "Bobcats in the Big Apple" or "Trojans in the City of Angels." It just depends on where I'm more financially drawn, I guess.

I was excited when I got the "Welcome to the Trojan Family" packet in the mail. Hopping up and down as I saw the red and gold of USC, I had met my personal goal of making it to the school I had vied to go to since my freshman year. Even though Brown had rejected me, my other dream school came through and fell into my lap. Three and a half years of hard work finally paid off, as I clung to my trophy with happiness. Even though my other preferred ones hadn't worked out (damn you CA budget cuts and slacking off a tad ><), I'm still happy with this one. For those who didn't make it to their preferred schools and dream schools, I can feel your pain on this one. Even I felt that pain after losing out on Brown, UCLA, and a few others.

For similar reasons, I don't necessarily like those people who got into certain schools, only to blow them off as like "Psh... it's not like I'd want to go there." That's taking away spots from students who dream of attending those schools, whose reach school might be that one school which you are blowing off. It's flatout rude. And also, those who got in Early Decision and haven't withdrawn applications from other schools... now that is just a low blow. I hope that those who've done so realize that what they're doing or have done is taking spots away from people who want those schools really badly. If you are doing this after knowing that you could be rescinded from your ED school, I hope you have your rescindal letter coming soon. For those who did it not knowing about the rescinding policy, I hope you guys withdrew your apps and left the spot vacant for more deserving candidates.

Enough about Colleges for one post, don't ya think?

Last Two Months:

Okie Dokie. Let's face it guys, the school year is drawing to an end, sooner than we want it or are expecting it. While some people may be partying about this news and some feeling nostalgic about it all, I'm mixed about it. Part of me wants to leave MV for good, but another part of me wants to stay back and to take it all in again. I'm sick of the work and the grades, but I'm not sick of the people and the fond memories. I want to move on and explore the world, but I want to still be back here. It's a weird thing really, but I guess us seniors will know how to manage it all.

Senioritis is a fun and evil disease. You feel lazy as hell and don't want to do anyhting, but part of you thinks you should at least give somewhat of a damn about what's going on around you. I'm loving every bit of senioritis though. The fact that I don't really have to care so much anymore about things makes it all good, so I'm less stressed. I've become a master at coming up with master BS now, be it for homework or tests. I'm just pissed a fat man is ruining my academic life (Jimbo) since I really can't afford to tank that class.

Oh well... here's to two more months left of legit school before liberation from the ball and chain.

Bittersweet

2009-03-20T02:56:00.000-07:00

God, how I'm sick of school.

And all the homework that goes along with it. And all the fake caring that I have to show towards all of my classes and other shit. And the work going along with it.

But I think looking back at it, it's all work it. Especially when you're not doing it alone. You've got peeps you're working with, also hurrying and trying to speed-BS the whold shebang. (All you Clarke kids know what I'm talking about :) )

So thanks for making the boring/long nights less boring/long and instead, nights I'm actually looking forward to staying up. Y'all make it awesome.

-sleep time, or else i go crazy :P

Step Aside Katy Perry

2009-03-19T19:17:00.000-07:00

While talking about an iPod kissing competition to win a free iPod at De Anza with Serena, who linked me to some interestingly fun pictures, I decided to play lyricist for the day. At the same time, she was suffering from katyperryitis, with the lyrics to "I Kissed a Girl" stuck in her head. Ah Katy Perry... if only your singing was equally good live as it is in the studio.

Here's my version: "I Kissed an iPod"

This was never the way I planned
Not my intention
I got so brave, music in hand
Lost my discretion
It's not what, I'm used to
Just wanna try you on
I'm curious for you
Caught my attention

I kissed an iPod, and I liked it,

The taste of it's casing of plastic.

I kissed an iPod just to try it,

I hope that my Zune don't mind it.

It felt so wrong

It felt so right

Don't mean I'm into Apples tonight

I kissed an iPod, and I liked it

I liked it

No, I don't even know your memory

It doesn't matter,
You're my experimental gadgetry
Just human nature,
It's not what,
Good Zune users do
Not how they should behave
My head gets so confused
Hard to obey

I kissed an iPod, and I liked it,

The taste of it's casing of plastic.

I kissed an iPod just to try it,

I hope that my Zune don't mind it.

It felt so wrong

It felt so right

Don't mean I'm into Apples tonight

I kissed an iPod, and I liked it

I liked it

iPods, they are so magical

Hot screens, black buttons, so kissable
Hard to resist so touchable
Too good to deny it
Ain't no big deal, it's innocent

I kissed an iPod, and I liked it,

The taste of it's casing of plastic.

I kissed an iPod just to try it,

I hope that my Zune don't mind it.

It felt so wrong

It felt so right

Don't mean I'm into Apples tonight

I kissed an iPod, and I liked it

I liked it

URL for the pictures btw:

http://janegarrino.com/KissiPodFeb09/content/IMG_3760_large.html

Happy kissing!

March Madness (kinda longgggg)

2009-03-16T01:22:00.000-07:00

Oh yes... it's one crazy-ass month.

March is the month of madness, asides from basketball, which I want to ardently follow this year.

It comes like a lion, but leaves like a lamb. It marks the period of happiness and heartbreak for hopeful college applicants, marking the difference in their futures. Its the two-month mark before AP testing. It tries the strength of seniors suffering from the disease we affectionately call "senioritis." It marks the time we lose out on sleep, in the prospects of becoming more efficient during the day as a result of Daylight Savings Time. It is the time when winter leaves and spring comes (March 21 KIDS!!!).

But through the thick and then... the less sleep and more awake time... the cold winds and the warm sun... the acceptances and the rejections... I've tried to look at this time with a more positive spirit than usual.

I mean yeah, losing out on some of my dream schools hasn't been easy. Seeing certain people get in where I think I should have had smooth sailings but I didn't. Seeing people only apply to schools to see how they'd do rather than because it's a place they'd highly consider and thus, take away spots from deserving candidates. Seeing people bite their nails over the schools they are still waiting from or from the previous responses they've gotten back from schools. Seeing certain accepted ED kids check their applications for UCs and other schools when they are going to their ED school for sure, only checking to see "how they would have done." One of my friends put it ever so wonderfully in her blog, thank you S for talking about that. :)

I've realized that people have more stuff to complain/fret about than me. So much for my stressing... I got into places that I: 1) like 2) would consider going. I have a place to spend four years, although it isn't my preferred one.

MORAL OF THE STORY: when life gives you lemons, you make that lemonade, you drink it, and enjoy the sweet goodness of it.

At the moment, some of my friends are dealing with a plethora of crap in their lives, which I shan't name. It's like trying to break a concrete wall with a mallet for them. They need that sledgehammer or jackhammer to penetrate through the barriers which they must overcome. It's hard on them, I know, but I still idolize + admire them for having such a solid resolve in spite of the shit they're working with/working around. In their position, I think I would crack or erupt some how. In that case, I'm increasingly thankful for not having to deal with that myself and thus, I try to help these friends so that we all can cross the finish line together, hand in hand, with real happy faces and cheerful spirits. Time to put on those skis and sail through, winning and happily taking in that feeling. Y'all know who you are out there, and thank you for being a source of inspiration for me.

With all this around me and with me trying to find a way to either cope with the stress or help my friends or whatnot, I've decided to take on meditation for the past few days. Not only will it help me keep calm, but it will also allow me to channel my energies accordingly so I can help my friends and try and help them with their problems, regardless of what.

I pray not only for my own well-being, but for the well-being and happiness of my friends and others who I am close with. I pray so that others around me can be happy and enjoy/make the most of their lives. Tapping into the gift of self healing, so rich as such, is the only solution I can find, asides from being able to talk about stuff with people.

I guess that I too am finding my way in this big wide world. But whatever the outcome, let's do it together kiddos!

GOOD LUCK WITH EVERYTHING FOR THIS MONTH AND THE REST OF THE SCHOOL YEAR!!!

Peace and love,
Kunal

Challenge Day: Thank You <3

2009-03-06T15:34:00.000-08:00

There's only one word that I have for Challenge Day: Wow.

Really... it has been one of the greatest experiences of high school that I have been fortunate to have. I have no idea where to start about since it has been a fabulous experience for me.

Many thanks to Mzina, Sean, Mr. Prinz, and the other guys who helped make this event possible. And a big thank you to everyone else who was there who made Challenge Day so frickin' awesome. I guess I'll just recap the day and run through it, adding in my thoughts.

After getting to MV 5 minutes late (even after it was a late start), I got to the D-building hallway where I checked in and just hung out with friends, waiting for it to begin. After some time, we finally got around entering the Field House to be greeted by a group of screaming + cheering adults, as we went to sit on chairs in the circle. From there on, the magic happened. The next couple of hours is where everything happened.

Everything was just awesome, every last bit and part of it. God, how I loved it

Never have I hugged so many people in one sitting. Never have I been ok with letting my emotions out like that. Never have I been able to face my inner thoughts/fears with so much confidence. Never have I felt so emotionally free in my entire life.

But I think it's time. It's time I changed for the better: this is my challenge to myself. This is my pact with myself for the next couple of years... to try to grow and mature emotionally

Thanks to everybody who made Challenge Day a great experience. Harsha, thanks for motivating me to do this. A HUGE THANK YOU TO EVERYBODY WHO WAS AT CHALLENGE DAY TO MAKE IT FUCKING AWESOME!!!

I love each and every one of you guys <3

Now let's get out there and be the change we wish to see in the world around us =)

love y'all,
kunal <3

SSS. A Time of Recollection, Reflection, Rejoicing, and Remembrance

2009-03-02T20:54:00.000-08:00

WHEEE!!!

Finally. After having slogged for three and a half years under the toils of the system affecitonally known as MVHS, I've reached that time in my life when I can, in theory, kick back and not care about anything. Transcripts + grades are done, working hella hard for tests + quizzes, losing sleep: it's all finally over and I get to live as what we call being a "Second Semester Senior."

Second Semester Senior: often diagnosed with an uncurable disorder commonly known as "senioritis."

Here's a snippet of my life nowadays:

I wake up at 7:15 on school days (9:00 on Wednesdays) and question whether I should go to school anymore or not.
I trudge to class 5 minutes late almost all the time.
I fall asleep in my classes most of the time... yeah. My head's down and I'm peacefully asleep in important lectures/lessons... wheeee!
I am unmotivated to do homework most of the time... I try to find my way around if I can.
I come home and screw around in front of my computer regularly... watch me one day: I can do nothing for a long time. Good thing I have GTalk, AIM, Halo, and Blockles :)
I've foregone what we conventionally call sleep. I stay up doing absolutely nothing and I don't feel tired at all, which frightens me since I still am in amorous love with my beauty sleep.
I spend more time on FL Studio 8 than I do on school work. YEEEE

It's as if nothing really matters... after all, anyone can see that nothing really matters to me anymore. Just counting down for the day we graduate from MV and move on.

I think I'll cry that day though... leaving 13 years of awesomeness behind me (incl. Kindergarten), leaving my friends, leavin good and awesome memories, as I move forward into the world and go with the flow of things, making my new paths and new acquaintances and new friends and a new life.

But at the root of it, I won't forget anything from my time at MV or from my life before college. The good + the bad, the highs + the lows, the fun + the stress, the laughs + the cries... it's all a part of me and will remain to be a part of me for the rest of my life.

God bless and love y'all... thanks for an awesome ride through everything. I'll remember each and every one of you and the times/memories we shared together.

Peace + <3,

Kunal

Thnks Fr Th Mmrs

2009-02-05T22:04:00.000-08:00

In this world, there are four types of people.

The first type are the many that are cool. The people you don't exactly talk to daily or hang out with regulary, but who make life + all the fun moments very memorable and awesome in many different ways. They add their flare to life and whatnot and they are great in their own ways. Good friends... good friends indeed.

The second type are the some that are awesome. They do everything that cool people do, but just seem to do it a bit better. Pllus, you spend a bit more time with them. You can talk about a lot of stuff with them and they make life really awesome. Great friends... great friends indeed.

The third type are the few who just kick ass all the time. These are the BFFLZ and the loves our lives, the buddies and the small groups that we have in our lives. These guys make each living moment awesome, regardless of what you're doing. They are our soulmates, our advisers, our friends we do the smartest and the wildest things with, the people we wake up to meeting and messing with... the ones who make life the most memorable and awesome.

Of course, there are also those who are none of the above.

Thankfully, I have had the pleasure and awesome experience of knowing people in the first three categories, especially for making my life one hell of a great adventure. Thankfully for me, there haven't been that many people in the last category.

So thanks for everything, and the memories... y'all know who u are :)

back to quiz reading i guess... we'll see how tomorrow goes then.

Déjà Vu... ITS HAPPENING AGAIN D:

2009-02-02T00:28:00.000-08:00

Déjà Vu... Déjà Vu... Déjà Vu...

sure, its just an ordinary expression which i've heard and seen billions of times. but for realz... its happened again. i'm seeing those 6 letters, 3 accents, 2 words, 1 common expression, all over again and again and again and again and again in my life, esp with relationship matters

am i always biting the dust? am i always running at the end? am i always those 2 seconds behind a first place victory?

apparently so.

it's happened yet again... the person who i like (surprise surprise!) intently likes someone who she isn't officially going out with, but is (as she says) close with the so-said alpha male. that's totally friggin' awesome, but yeah... remind me again why i don't have my happy face on. it seems as if i'm hitting up a common trend with the people i like: i like her, she likes someone else or is w/someone else, all fails. i only stick around as a friend and nothing more. but what's the point of it anyways? its like the story about the 7 jars of gold: 6 jars are completely filled, but the 7th is only half-filled. no matter how much you throw in, it continues to stay half-full.

heart wrenching, ain't it? most def.

but i want to break free of the undying repetition. throw me a grilled cheese instead of a PB+J... i want some VARIETY with what's going on... ofc, with some form of success.

i guess i was right about it: love's like a drug. no matter how much you steer away from it, u can't live without it. and when u do finally get back, oh boy... it kills, but u still prolong it until the end.

damn... it does blow hard.

SNL + Life

2009-01-28T04:04:00.000-08:00

I am fortunate to have had the opportunity to be a part of a great tradition at MVHS: SNL.

Yes... the most epic drama production of the year, with its outrageously large cast, suggestive sense of humor, and variety of sketches.

It was damn awesome, from start to finish. I was lucky to be a part of the "What is Love" sketch: the one I've wanted to be in since I saw the movie "A Night at the Roxbury" and the original SNL sketch back in 7th grade just because it was "freakin' awesome," seeing the Butabi brothers first fail at clubbing, then to turn around and start their own club. Luckily, I got to do it with one of my friends who is equally, if not more, crazy about the Butabis + the Roxbury club. From our botched up scripts to the synchronized head bobbing to getting on stage and actually doing it in front of an audience. It all owned.

Asides from being the sketch of my dreams, doing SNL was also a big step for me personally, since I'm not usually the best person whenever it comes to performing in front of a large crowd, let alone any group more than 10ish since I tend to get nervous. Also, I was portraying a character so different than my normal self so this role was getting out of my shell, releasing my inhibitions, and just doing it and going wild.

But at the end of it all, I want to thank everybody who made this a great experience. From the director to fellow sketch members to fellow cast members to makeup people to producers to tech crew... it has most definitely been a pleasure to be given this opportunity and to fulfill it to the best of my ability. Thank you for making this one of my best memories which I will carry with me when I leave for college and the world beyond. Hell... I'll be talking about this at reunion parties... cocktail parties... kids' parties... wherever. Who knows?

Ameya, we did it man. Four years of waiting with excitement in the making... we pulled it off with great success. Thanks for loving Roxbury as much as I do and giving life to our dream. Remember those pimping dance moves for when you go clubbing or partying in college... and yes, we need to start our own nightclub.

Prateek and Mimi... thanks to you two also for making this dream and experience a reality. It was fun doing it all, from the head bobbing to the "impressive dancing" as a whole. Thanks for a great time.

Jarryd... thanks for walking with us through the Roxbury skit, be it with "Project your voice!" or "Lets take it from the top, offbook"... all was good and owned. Thanks for it all

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Yesterday while eating dinner at Journalism Late Night, we were all into our own little groups talking about random stuff. Suddenly, I overhear a familiar set of words which I remember from my Farian days: no shorts after Halloween. My head snaps towards the words and I begin talking about how at Faria, we could only wear shorts until Halloween and after Spring Break. All of a sudden, it became a melting pot of past experiences in elementary school and middle school, ranging from putting rose thorns on benches (evilly amusing), youth skankiness (!), being good kids or bad-ass kids, people we liked/hated back in the day, Yosemite (hair dryers + cabin adventures), favorite or evil teachers (of course... u've all had 'em), etc.

What made this fun was not only the fact that it was a good distraction from working (just a bit), but it was also a great memory jogger... made me remember the good ol' days, when APs and SATs were Greek and Latin and our only priority in life was to have fun and be a good kid... back when nothing really mattered that much except, of course, which Yu-Gi-Oh deck or Pokemon you had... back when the only woe we were bogged down by was not beating a certain someone at teatherball or handball.

Going back in time... sitting around and chilling... its all a great bonding experience. Sitting with awesome people, just discussing the fun we had and the trouble we got into, the things we remember doing and the things others remember us for doing, the people we liked and the people we hated... its all an awesome learning and living experience. Makes you look back and love (or in those rare cases, hate) your life even more.

Thanks guys for making me love my early years + months + days + etc even more enjoyable and memorable.

"You've got one shot at life... make sure you savor every bit of those 30mL since the glass ain't comin' back and neither will time. Just get out there, get wasted, and love every bit of it."

I'm out now guys... I need to sleep soon.

Peace and love,

Kunal

Yes we did... yes we can... and damn right we will.

2009-01-20T22:50:00.000-08:00

Today

Kunal Bhan, 01.20.2009

Today, I am thankful.

Thankful to live.

Thankful to have lived today.

Thankful to have lived to see today.

Thankful to have lived to see this profound day.

Thankful to have lived to see this profound day, although on a live telecast rather than as a physical attendee.

Today, I am proud.

Proud to be alive.

Proud to be alive as an American.

Proud to be alive as a minority in America.

Proud to be alive and witness the advances minorities in America have made.

Proud to have witnessed perhaps the greatest moment in history which will go down in the history books and APUSH FRQs/DBQs.

Today, I am in awe.

In awe of 300 million people.

In awe of one of these 300 million people.

In awe of the mysticism behind this one man.

In awe of what one man is capable of doing or having done.

In awe of how one man's ambition + drive + motives have created not only a moment to remember but also set the wheels to progress in motion.

Today, I am a believer.

Believing in my dreams.

Believing in the impossible dreams.

Believing in the impossible dreams and working for them.

Believing in the impossible dreams and working with the the creed "Impossible is nothing."

Believing in the impossible dreams that I have and the fact that believing that "Impossible is nothing" while working on them will lead to success and the fullfilment of them.

Today, I am a changed man. And I believe

We can change. I can make this my world. And

You can make yours and we, ours.

In the light of things, we can do anything. Yes we can. Yes. We can. Yes. We. Can.

Today, this is the moment to change, to move forward, to get ahead, to get better.

Yes... today, at this moment, right now - we can.

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Today, I'm thankful to by a proud believer in awe of the wonders and possiblities and opportunities I am faced with in this lifetime in such a nation where truly, "Impossible is nothing." It's all around us no matter where we look... people working against adversary to reach a goal and then seeing it out till the end, as they push past the throng to sprint the last 400 meters through the tape at the finish line. Then they look back, acknowledge the personal struggle and fight they had to go through, and look to the future and specifically, to how they will go forward in the rest of their endeavors.

Today, I'm proud to have served as one of the multitude of volunteers - old and young, gay and straight, white and black (and Asian + Indian for that matter) - who made this dream into a reality. All the hours of door-to-door knocking, phonebanking, planning for fundraisers, spreading the message of change... everything has finally paid off in the end. Watching the inauguration today filled me up with a sense of pride... responsibility... and most importantly, the positive feeling that I contributed to the change heading our way as America enters the new year and a new era, complete with a plethora of issues like Iraq, a dead economy, global warming, alternative energy, and rights problems with prevalent issues like Gitmo.

At the end of the day whilst watching the parade down to the White House, the performances, and the inaugural balls, I thought about everything. But most importantly, the rocky ride ahead for Obama, Biden, Hillary, and the rest of the nation as we shall overcome this problems in due time. Yes, it will be a rough journey. Yes, we won't see the light suddenly. Yes, there will be lots of opposition and recurring issues and obstacles to break down. Yes, it will be a test of Obama's so-said power to bring change as well as the resolve the American people.

BUT

At the same time, we as people and more importantly, as Americans all looking for the same goals - a stable economy... good healthcare... plentiful jobs... some form of financial security when we retire -must band together and cross this ocean together. It'll be tough, but we shall overcome. We will see the light at the end of the tunnel. We will once again regain our position as a beacon for the future instead of the black sheep to look down upon. I can feel it. I know it. I believe it.

President Bush... even though you made some pretty stupid decisions which have screwed us over and left us in the state we are in today, I still think it's important for us to give thanks where it is due and thank you for eight years, however rocky + climactic + wild + messed up they have been. We wish you smooth sailings in Crawford, Texas. Bush fucked us over in many places no doubt, but that's then.

This is now.

To Barack Hussein Obama and Joseph Robinette Biden, good luck for these next four years. Make the nation proud and show us the change we've been waiting for these past eight years. Show us the America we want and the future we envision. Godspeed, and may the force be with you.

Change? Yes... Can I?

2009-01-17T18:17:00.000-08:00

"It aint much I'm asking if you want the truth; here's to the future for the dreams of youth."

- "I Want It All," Queen, The Miracle

"See I had to go / See I had to move / No more wastin’ time / You can’t wait for life / Were just racin’ time / Where’s the finish line?"

- "Love Lockdown," Kanye West, 808s and Heartbreaks

I'm racing against time, but I just can't seem to find the finish line.

With only 5 months left of high school (holy shit... time flies so effing fast!) and 7.5 till I enter college (okay... I REALLY can't imagine this is happening, but it's gonna), I don't have much time left before it happenes. The change. The transition from my chillaxed life here in Cupertino, as an MVHS student... as a friend... as a member of the many awesome things I took or will take part of here, like Journo <3,deca,>

Obama: For so long, I've been tooting the horn in support of Barack Obama, our next president as of Tuesday, January 20th. He's coming to DC and to the forefront of America bringing in the change that yes, we can see. I'm ready for that change... for a fresh face to do something good for America. Someone who will ensure that I can sleep soundly at night... that I can make and save money without fearing it disappearing to financial crises... that the career I do take up will not be interrupted or impacted by unexpected economic pitfalls. But am I ready for the real change in my day-to-day life?

Back home: For so long, I've been keeping my self posted with what's going on back home in India. Seeing all the shit that's happened... be it the Mumbai blasts (we'll never forget those who died... rest in peace) or the shit Kashmir's been through (i'm mad i haven't been to my real home forever, but it's slowly getting better and that's good because then i'll be able to "come home again") or the rampant corruption. Now, at least the people are taking some sort of stand in trying to ensure the weak + easily swayed government is doing something to respond to the people's demands. There is change here, which I am personally very ready for. But am I ready for the real change in my day-to-day life?

Personal Life: lots of change there as well. What I had hoped to be the first one turned out to crash and burn in a bad way. It tore me apart and I had to bounce back just in time for AP testing that year. Worst thing that happened to me in a while. Seeing someone as beautiful and great as her turn around and snap the guitolline on my neck and kill me was just horrible and it made me sad. Even now, I have no damn clue how I was able to recover and bounce back from everything normally. I took to relationship advising instead to bounce back which worked, though I still had a hole in my heart. Then, my best friend came back for me and I was hopeful of something to pursue with her. Yet, it crashed + burned as I was left biting the dust, having been beat by somebody else. Killed me in a different way but yet again, I still forced myself to move on as well. Not easy, since I really do not like anybody at the moment since I'm sorta still recovering. I've dealt with this change. But am I ready for the real change in my day-to-day life?

Music: Hell... even my music has changed sorta. Having transitioned from exclusively rock + hip/hop to more classic + progressive rock, The Beatles, Queen, techno, electronica/dance, and pop, I'm liking it a lot. It's been pretty cool listening to the stuff from Europe, esp. Basshunter and DJ Mangoo. Good stuff by these guys, indeed. This has gotten me from not only doing guitar and piano, but changing so that I can explore making electronica... which has bene pretty fun actually. Sitting behind FL Studio 8 has been an interesting experience. I've changed here pretty easily. But am I ready for the real change in my day-to-day life?

Now it really does make me wonder... will I be ready to face the real change in my life? Will I be able to cope with what comes my way in the near future? How will I adjust with what's gonna become of my life in the next couple of months?

Really. I have no friggin' idea what's gonnna happen to me. Neither does anybody no what's gonna happen with them. But at the end of the day, there is only one thing we can do despite whatever's going on around. That one thing is to take in each experience like another breath of air, another sip of water, another step taken forward. Let it all happen and move on from there. Act on instinct, but act more on principle + circumstance. You make your life, nobody else. Only you can make your life, so just "live your life" and make the most of the best gift you've received. Who knows where you'll land up? Nobody does, but just let the magic happen. Let stuff fall in your lap. As Mama Gump put it, "Life's like a box of chocolates... you never know what you're gonna get."

In the End

2009-01-01T20:07:00.000-08:00

This Year in Review

Damn… what a year it has been indeed.

As I look back at the year, its been pretty fucking awesome with everything. Even though its been a wild rollercoaster, I’ve loved it. Every little bit of it. Stress or not, I don’t think I’ve had a better year in a while.

Junior Year

After a rough first semester, I resolved to do better in the next semester and try to get more out of life and chill out and be less stressed with all the random crap in my life. Luckily, everything seemed to go pretty damn smoothly, for the most part. Got through the stress and the other stuff happening throughout the year with the help of not only better time management, but also with awesome people who I got to know better and become if not closer, but better friends with. It was an interesting psychological and emotional journey, going through everything.

Then came JP, which started off as the awesome night of my life which would hopefully lead to something in the future. It seemed that way for a while, through a good chunk of the night. But through it all, I learned a lot about people + their character as well as how to better deal with others. Thanks, A, for being that lifetime experience for me and making me a better person. Though I liked you a lot back then, I know like you instead because you made me more practical with everything about life and my thought process. It was rough for me, but I got through it all. You’ve been a great person, and you have a great future ahead of you. Keep up with the good work in everything. Other than that, the year ended well, with awesome stuffs from most corners of life and everything. Good year, although stressful. Guitar Hero + Brawl with Harsha at Alex’s place when we should have been doing chem project, playing Hearts + Mafia in Calc with the crew, Bio Project with Mr. Lei and the rest of the group. Can’t think of a way I’d go back to try stuff all over again.

It was just pretty fucking awesome.

Summer

Nothing really that big happened over summer, more like a normal + usual summer. Worked in India for five weeks and I’ve gotta say: one of the best experiences of my life. I got to work on something cool (solar energy) with hella awesome interns. Sher, Asif, Vikas, Aakanksha… thanks for a great five weeks of working, having fun, hanging out. Other than that, I spent some time with family which is always awesome no matter what.

Senior Year

Ah… at last, the final year. The final year of high school. The final year I’m living at home before I head off into the real world also known as college. The final year I’ll be together with all my friends + my so-said old life and when I transition to the new stages of the future. As I look back at everything, it makes me appreciate my life more and more and be thankful for every experience I’ve had. The start of the year was good, no doubt. Gym jam was fun this year, especially the candle thing at the end. I’ve been to Gym Jam three times in high school; even though we’ve done hella fun stuff like hanging out and talking or playing Mafia or playing Big Booty, the candle lighting thing at the end as always been my favorite. A time I get to be introspective and just share my inner thoughts with others in a circle. But this time, I liked it more for some reason, though I forget why.

Next few months: got into the flow of my classes and with being a senior. From day one, I loved senior year. Getting off at 2:15ish everyday and 12:45 on Tuesdays - the schedule I had wanted ever since freshman year.

· Gov AP turned out to be a pretty fun class with Recktenwald, trash-talking Palin’s intelligence (you betcha!) and just about everything.

· Lit AP – Mr. Clarke is my idol officially. He’s just a baller... no questions asked. Not only have I improved my writing, but I’ve also had just a great time in second period, with all the random videos and stories.

· French AP = period 7 French 3 + company. It’s been a wild adventure, getting back with the crew from period 7 French 3 two years back along with other guys and the French 3 kids who hopped up to join us in AP. It’s been an interesting journey through the class… the old jokes, the same crap as usual, sleeping in class sometimes, having Gabet for the third year in a row. It’s been a blast… waiting for second semester party time. :P

· Physics Honors… rape with a smile. JimBo is a great guy, but I just suck at physics in general. Nonetheless, I’ve loved the class even though I don’t do as well. Though this semester, I’m gonna make some changes in stuff that I do to study and prep so that I can do well. Looking forward to PGA and other fun times in the class.

· Java. The class I was dreading to take, but which I’ve grown to like and have fun in. Having Deruiter for the second year in a row after Calc BC has been great. Just four of us seniors in a class loaded with freshmen, but its been fun. Brandon + Vaibhav… you guys helped make the class less boring so thanks a lot. Working on programs… mooching off the underclassmen… last minute epiphanies on our program before Deruiter comes to grade them… its been a ball.

· Journalism: best class so far. I didn't go to camp cuz of my India internship, so I had no clue what was going on when I first walked into class. However, it was still pretty awesome I’d say. Got into the flow of everything pretty soon… learned the fun which engulfs late-nights, got to meet some pretty damn awesome people or better know people who I sorta knew back over the years, but didn’t get a chance to actually talk with them or know them better. You guys know who you are… and you’ve all made it the best experience of my senior year so far. Late Nights, edited pictures on zhenni’s cameras, OBAMA, spazz fests about knowing Everything, the JOKER J, St. Louis, failing at life, Photobooth, InDesign, Frosty Friends… the whole damn thing has been pretty fucking awesome, topped off with a great teacher. Thanks guys, and here’s to another four great issues.

Last high school Homecoming ever... its been great. I actually decided to go floatbuilding this year, which was hella fun. Working with other people, having a damn good time... its been great. Rally... not so much, but then again we weren't given clear directions or the full directions from everyone we should have. Whatever... it happened, we worked hard, and in the end we won :) . Biggest hug+lovefest I've seen like ever in my life, and I'm glad to have been a part of it all. Gathering around trying to fix Woody's flashlight... funniest moment of it all. Seeing crowining of court was another of the epic moments I got to see. Great stuff no doubt. Dance was ok... had my own person struggle to deal with then, though didn't go according to plan. But eh... whatever. No point dwelling on the past. It's time to look forward and take in the new and move on. A... as evil + tough as you may have sounded about it, you were right. Thanks for being the tough cop with dealing with me. I got through, and I'm feeling great now. So thanks once again :).

St. Louis was a fun trip this year, no doubt. Even though it was sorta short and not horribly epic or big, it was still enjoyable. Got to hang out with people, run in the rain around the city, taste snow, freeze my hands off, find awesome shirts, going to epic museums with the most random crap going on... it was all fun. Late night adventures after curfew... nothing that epic, but still fun nonetheless.

College Apps... another pleasureable hurdle (please note the sarcasm). Got through my huge-ass stack of them after late nights, speed writing sessions, sending scores, stressing my ass off... it was interesting. Got heartbroken after not getting to my number one school, but I forced myself to move on and stop stressing or freaking out over that. Glad that crap is done with.

In General

This past year has been quite the adventure, and I'm glad to have lived through it all. I lived it all up, but I don't think it would have been fun without the great people I got to know or met or got to know better. There are too many to list, but y'all know who you are. Thanks for making this a fucking awesome year to enjoy.

Here's a closing Message to everybody. Try to figure out the song references in here

"We Made It" because "We Are The Champions." After having a "Life in the Fast Lane," I think I'm feeling "Comfortably Numb" as we take it on the "Otherside." Just "Let It Be" "Under the Bridge" because like everybody, "I Want It All" and "I Want to Break Free" so I can get my "Satisfaction." Remember guys... you can have "Whatever You Like" as we cross over the "Violet Hill" of MV, so long as we stick together. We'll go "Around the World" "Staying Live" as we keep it in the back of our minds that "What Goes Around Comes Around." And we're most definitely gonna bring "Sexyback" since we're "Fearless" as we climb and find the "Stairway to Heaven" with our "Hands Held High," screaming "Viva La Vida" as we "Shake It" since we "Ain't Missing Nothing" ever. We'll be "Lost" in this "Bohemain Rhapsody" that we call life. Even though we'll go "High" or "Low," we'll always remember "What is Love" along with the most improtant things of life while we go "Outta Control" "No Matter What" since we're "On Top of the World," yelling down to everyone to "Gimme More" since "I'm Yours." We're "Freebirds" in this life, wanting to "Make a Memory" on the "Crazy Train" of our life because "In the End," "Its Not Over" as we "Let it Rock" whilst "Free Falling" and constantly remind the world "Don't Stop Me Now" as we move at the "Speed of Sound" since we'll be here "Forever" as we "Say Goodbye" to the past and "Ramble On" and we "Live Our Life" because we are "Human"

"Thanks for the Memories" guys. 09ers... here's to the next six months and our futures.

"JUST DANCE," "CRANK DAT," "PARTY LIKE A ROCKSTAR," and "TOUCH THE SKY" "RIGHT NOW" since it's the "GREAT ESCAPE"!!!

Love,

Kunal

sick and down

2008-12-20T19:19:00.000-08:00

Dammit... I'm sick. =(

For the first time in the past six years, I've actually fallen sick so right now I'm feeling like crap and it's such a bitch. Here I am, in bed with my laptop, blanket, electric heater, and sweats... oh, and meds + hot water in large amounts. w00t. What a way to start winter break + start life as a second semester senior. Just fucking awesome.

Meh... stuck with doing college apps + recovering + possibly skipping a party tomorrow [ :( ] and yeah... what a great way to sum up my break at the moment.

On a lighter note, playing football + SSBB + GH was fun at Alex's place with others. A fairly good start to a fun break.

Here's to a fun recovery.

college

2008-12-13T14:10:00.000-08:00

one week... 3 results.... billions of emotions all together. It's been an emotional rollercoaster all the way.

Got into two of my safety schools, so i do have something to fall back on. Waco, Texas or Champaign, Illinois? we'll see... oh well.

on the other hand, my #1 school didn't turn out as #1 as i had hoped for it to be :(

after stressing all of thursday till 2 pm, i logged on to brown.edu/admissions and clicked on the URLs to check what was the deal with Brown. I saw it, and felt a knot in the back of my head. Not cool at all... worst thing in a while.

IDK how i pulled through most + some of it really... bouncing back to calc test, working on other HW + whatnot... it has been an interesting ride as far as i see when i look back. but in it all, i don't think i could have done without some ppl:

SG: our escapade running around campus hunting for people aware of certain racial slurs plus our talks... helped recover from the knot in the back of the head and i felt a tad better, so thanks :)

AL: your little pep talk whilst u were stressing the day before your results came out (congrats btw and good luck as Wharton class of 13!) it did help as well

Paul: thank you for "speaking words of wisdom" which "will be an answer" to me... as we "let it be." god bless you + the beatles for everything... that song has been my life for some time, getting me through it all. its been my mantra for the last few days and whatnot.

Seniors: these are the last finals which actually DO matter... lets just go out and kick ass on these ones. Let's do this.

Shock

2008-12-07T18:57:00.000-08:00

idk how to respond to it at all… it just seems so sudden. all of a sudden, the rug you’re walking on is whisked away from under your feet and you’re left lying on the floor whilst looking up at the ceiling, trying to think about so many things at one time: how it happened… why it happened… why you didn’t see it coming… why you didn’t bother thinking about it as much as you should have.

it’s all just a whirlwind of madness which comes suddenly and disappears, and there isn’t a damn thing you can do about it no matter how hard you try to.

H: don’t worry much about it… shit happens. and it’s not like you intended for it to go down like that. i’ll pull through and learn how to play my cards right though it’ll be hard

A: it’s cool… i’ve been down the same path one time before, even though this one counts as a double-whammy. idk what exactly i’m gonna do, but i need to find a way to pull through and stay strong

V: it’s been interesting, like i told u last night. even know, idk what to say or how to react… but i’ll try to play my cards right. thanks for helping a tad, especially cuz it’s a similar situation u’ve been in at a similar time and u can understand it, so thanks

Post a memory of me as a comment for this entry.

2008-12-04T19:14:00.000-08:00

Copied this from Harsha Gorti:

"Post a memory of me as a comment for this entry.
it can be anything you want.
maybe your first, maybe your favorite.
& post this to your journal and see what people remember of you."

Egg Drop Project

2008-11-28T20:17:00.001-08:00

Here I am, trying to find legit BS to throw into my egg drop project's report. I could be playing guitar or even better, finishing my college apps. But instead, Jimbo found yet another way to annoy our insides and give us another project. Which is annoying me... and I do not like it one bit.

I really can't believe November is almost over... meaning December will start soon meaning only 33 days left until 09! =)

Until then, lets wait and let time pass...

Giving Thanks

2008-11-27T16:38:00.000-08:00

I just wanna take this post and just give a big shoutout to some people.

Overall, a big thank you to EVERYBODY who has made these past four years of high school some of the best and most memorable years... be it teachers or friends or events or clubs or random people. It's just been a fun ride and I hope the ride is even more fun when I hit college.

Even though I've been either swamped under work or stressed about random crap, I think having such awesome people to talk to or hang out with or last-minute kramfest with has been such a great time. Volunteering + Journo + DECA + whatnot... all these activities have been a blast. I just love it all - the people, the good times... just everything. Had it not been for doing stuff like this, I think HS for me would have been pretty boring and drab.

It's been four fun years since we got this show on the road... let's keep it going.

peace + love,

Kunal

System Overload

2008-11-16T21:35:00.000-08:00

It's been a while since St. Louis... a fun trip even though we didn't get to spend that much time there but whatever... it's all good. I think it was fun: the Arch, the City Museum, and yes... our waiter John was hella legit. That guy owned at everything... I do not know where to begin. Spent good times with people I know and who I got to know... sneaking out at night was good too... if only we had hella people to do it with.

So here I am, trying to finish up college essays to send out within a day or two. I cannot believe its already near the end of November, which means Thanksgiving, Black Friday, Finals D: and Christmas aka vacation. It's just been passing like a blur that I have no effing idea how this all is going. Life is life, normal is staying normal, random crap is going down... yup. The usual.

I'm hella pumped for SNL! I get to do the "What is Love" skit :) I like it more because I'm doing it with one of my friends (another Roxbury buff) and because I think this is one of the most epic skits of all time. Hands down. Jan 23 and 24... here we come. Time to practice my head bobbing for the time being.

I think though, that I've learned to move on... whatever it may be. I think it's one of the hardest things we as people must learn, because if we continue to wallow in the past, it'll drag us down and we'll be out of the running. I think that I've benefited a lot from forcing myself to move on... regardless of what it is. I'll deal with the issue then and there, think about it for a day or so, then I'll be fine. Yeah, I've seen + had lots of crap happen but I'm stronger because I've learned to deal with it all and move on.

Meanwhile, I'm elevating + icing + ankle-bracing my foot after realizing that it's been killing me since yestereday. Oh well...

Numb

2008-11-10T22:55:00.000-08:00

"I've become so numb, I can't feel you there.

I've become so numb, so much more aware.

By becoming this, all I want to do,

Is be more like me, and be less like you."

"Numb"/ Linkin Park

It's pretty effing cold outside and inside. That's why I'm here, with hiking socks, sweats, a sweater, an electric heater plugged in at 85 degrees, blanket wrapped around my legs, with hot chocolate. As I'm sitting here like an Eskimo doing my homework, I began to think about people. Their mannerisms... their behavior... the way they do come across to others.

After doing USC essay brainstorming + brain spew for some time, it has been a thought on my mind. I finally did decide that the people who I really hate is those who just seem so stone-faced + sullen towards you and make you feel bad for nothing.

I was walking today after 5th period to get a form signed by JimBo when I encounter this so-said person. This person and I were hella close friends as sophomores and juniors. However, since the end of last year, we've kinda died. Still, I try to be as civil as I can. So as I see the person, I wave and I'm like "Hey [name]... how goes it?" And so-said person gives me this blank look, looks at their shoes and walks off.

Okay... what really does get to me is the person. I'm just trying to be moderately civil around here... the least you can do is stop being so bitchy and try responding or show some sign of life. I too hate that person, but that's not stopping me from being normal and civil. I'm not out their cursing out how much of a prick you were in my opinion. Even though it was you who started that whole slew of shit going on, I still don't stop myself from talking to you. I'm only making civil conversation. The least YOU can do is play along.

I was tempted to go up to the person and go "Hey... loosen up and smile a little. It's a bright day and you have no excuse to be so bitter so chill out." But in the end, I was like "Eh... fuck that shit! I have better things to do than to waste time over that person's stupditiy."

I don't care anymore... but the lesson of the day is this: learn some element of social intelligence so you interact with all types of people. You may be the smartest person in the world, having gone to all the Ivy Leagues and gotten hella degrees. However, if you are flat out people stupid, just jump off of an effing rock. Without social intelligence, you're just about as intelligent as a cabbage.

peace + <3,

Kunal

Election Hangover

2008-11-05T23:26:00.001-08:00

For starters, i wanna give a shoutout to you all: thank you for making a dream into a reality last night. OBAMA BECAME PRESIDENT!!! :)

Not only did he break racial barriers, but he also has set the future for the young voters to come in the years ahead. Obama is a figure to be looked upon by everyone, for braving it out through out the last 18 months. It's been a rough ride for all candidates, be it John Edwards, Mitt Romney, Ron Paul, Ralph Nader... hell... even McCain himself. At the end, the best man won and that man will run the nation. Now that you won Obama, I'll be waiting for your "Change" campaign.

It's transitioned from "Yes we can" to "Yes... we did" in terms of being able to choose a good candidate. Now let's continue this streak as we can do and say this after we reform America and bring it back to the footing it has long missed these past eight years.

===================================================================

To John McCain... as much as I did not like you as a presidential hopeful, I must admit that you drove an equally strong and hard campaign, although I still hate Palin. Seeing your speech yesterday was actually quite inspirational. Not many people can recover and maintain their composure like you did. You've got balls... and I salute you for all that you have done, are doing, and will do for America, be it serving as a soldier in Vietnam or serving in the Senate or running for the Presidency.

===================================================================

Now onto the not so bright side. Proposition 8. Yes... it passed. This will ban gay marriage in California officially, thus adding on to the California Constitution.

Okay, I am against gays. 100%. I do not like them and I am quite homophobic. HOWEVER, I am not in favor of Proposition 8's passage. America claims to be a country of freedom and equality. Why not allow people to marry the way they want to marry? Also, where the hell does the government have the right to determine who marries who? As much as I am against gays, I think Proposition 8 is considerably flawed for its baseless argument asides from "Protecting Marriage." So what... people want to be gay. What business is it of us to go in and say "lol... u can't be gay and get hitched. u got served. gg" ? Since when did the government care about marriage? Or for that matter, anything at all.

17 years come and gone

2008-11-03T18:12:00.000-08:00

Today, I turn 17.

I really don't know what to think really. It seems like one more year in the ledgerbook of my life, but it's been a really interesting + fun day all together.

Main highlights...

5:30 a.m. - woken up by parents and am given 3 things:

A. New Watch

B. Card

C. Amazon.com receipt for the memory stick i've been vying for :)

at school, greeted by ppl during the whole day. pretty good i'd say.

journo: balmeo and i concur on singing it Opera style and i get to kiss Zamboni. I think this is in itself, a really cool + interesting experience + tradition. I mean, come on... where in the world will I find such an amazing albeit odd opportunity in my entire life?

Calc test today... what a joke. nothing else to say.

Thanks everyone for a fun birthday, along with the fact that its my last one in Cupertino D:

peace and <3,

Kunal

Sentimental Education

2008-11-02T14:48:00.000-08:00

i can't believe i pulled off early apps on time. being a procrastinor, i was ecstatic i finished apps on time.

i finished all but one of my essays. so i got home at 3ish and fervently worked till 7, under the impression that apps were due Oct 31, 11:59:59 pm. got it all edited, proofread by multiple ppl, went on the website, uploaded, and hit "Submit." i was done... i was ecstatic. later that night, i figured out they were due Nov 1, 9 pm. i was kinda like "ehuhwhat?" when i heard it. but it didn't matter. i finished my apps on time and i could chill out for the rest of the weekend.

then, i went to alex's halloween party where we played GH and Brawl... the best way to cool down after high stress. plus, got to talk to some other ppl so i got to chill and stuff. hands down, a good time.

walked back home with H, which was pretty fun + interesting. we talked about random stuff, especially ppl in general. no... not smack talking about specific ppl, but more like ppl as a whole in general. and mainly, focused on relationship stuff and the female mind and hella psych stuff. we talked about our experiences with girls and stuff, the peaks and pitfalls, etc... how we liked certain girls who seemed good, and yet were the most superficial ppl in the whole world... the trail they led us on for us to lose their respect.

then we talked about how it was actually a good experience helping ppl with their stuff, esp the venting part and how we had our own success stories with ppl who we helped. i think we both agreed to continue this, even at college and shit. like go, do our own thang + psych as part of major, then graduate and start something on the side. cuz advising + counseling + psych can actually be really fun, as odd as it may sound. the feeling of sitting with somebody... listening to them... feeling for them... helping them... its just an overall self-satisfying experience that u could do something for ppl.

i couldn't do challenge day this time cuz of other things i had. but from what i've heard from ppl who went and did it this time, i'm glad that i've signed up for the one in March. i think it'll be something i really will enjoy.

can't think of much to say rite now... only 8 hours and 45 minutes till i'm 17.

peace and love,

kunal

iFail

2008-10-25T23:55:00.001-07:00

I think I should go and work for Apple after college. Know why? Because I could add to the "i" products like the iPhone and iPod and create the iFail. I'd rake in so much $$ for Apple, being the head designer, head marketer, head engineer, everything... it'd be a combo job fit for me.

I failed tonight. Major fail beyond any form of doubt. Worse than anything I've ever experienced in my entire life. I can't believe I didn't get it done tonight.

I had asked her to dance at HC, and she responded not now but later. So I went back to my friends who were prying for info. They took it as a good sign as did I. So I went around and danced for some more time with other girls, hung out with friends, etc. The last 10 minutes, I'm going to find her. Trouble is, I cannot find her. I scan the entirety of the gym and mosh-pit dance floor in the center of the gym. I still fail.

As I walk out, my friends are like "Dude... She was outside with us. We were waiting for you to come out and find her. " One of them forwent his own last dance to try and find me, since he knew where she was. I was busy on a wild goose chase in the gym. At the end of the dance, I just sorta stormed out past her, half angry and half irritated with myself until I met my friends.

It soon occured to me... later = a nice way of saying "uh... no." I can't believe I kept my hopes up after hearing this. I was being an over-hopeful dick about something which most likely and eventually didn't get around happen. Why didn't I see it coming when it was, for the most part, pretty damn obvious? Why didn't I get any hints from behavior and mannerisms.

goddamit... w/e... subsequent parts to come in the next days.

where am i headed?

2008-10-17T01:30:00.001-07:00

physics labs are a pain in the ass... no joke. its not that i don't get the material, albeit i hate physics. i just don't like the labs and the gajillion graphs and tables and worksheets that ensue. it all piles up and just is a pain in the ass... all the way up. (TMI much?) i'm only taking physics cuz i already did bio/chem AP last year and i didn't wanna do physio. oh well... suck it up.

thus begins the mad dash till Early Apps are due... yeeeeeeeee :)

i have 15 fucking days, counting today, to finish 2 essays for brown.

1) talk about a certain academic experience and how it has inspired u.

2) ur applying to PLME. talk about how the program is good 4u and what classes u'll take.

k... here's my issue: idk what to write for #1. i finally chose to write about DECA competitions and stuff. ok... BrIlLiAnT :) except for one thing... idk how it really "inspired/influenced" me much. i mean sure, i learned not to procrastinate and be a total dumbass (not!). but i can't think of that inner meaning yet. now onto #2: i have ideas, just no structure. its like asking an elephant to walk on a bed of twigs on his tiptoes. he'll do it, but there's no guarantee what'll result of the glass. its like turning on a car with everything running, except the parking brake is jammed so u can't move. its like being superglued to a chair when u really need to use the bathroom.

today, one girl in journo had the school profile on her. so i decided to take a look at class ranking brackets. i looked at the brackets looking for my GPA till i scanned the third row from the top. I mean, my grades aren't horribly shitty though they're not stellar, aka perfect 4.0. its 2-3 B's per semester pretty much. as i look at my GPA and my college list, i begin to freak out like hell. where the hell WILL i land up? it's at times like these i screwing around, playing games online or chatting or w/e. but then again, its NOT only those things which play a role.

Case In Point: last year, i ODed on hard classes and my GPA lept into a abyss and sank. i was pissed at myself at my performance, but failed to see first that i might have ODed on classes. 2nd semester was smoother coastings, but i still had to work hard cuz i had hella stuff to worry about and still do. i pulled everything up a notch except for 3 classes, which i maintained an ez A both semesters. in retrospect, that was stupid on my part for wanting to do hella, but oh well.

on the other hand, calc at WV is going quite well actually. pretty damn easy i'd say... so :). Also, journo + java + french + gov + eh... even lit are all doing pretty well. physics... working on it so i can get an A at the end of the semester... i hope.

meanwhile, back to that drasted lab... w/e... we'll see.

oh... and i need to finish the damn worksheet. sonofabitch>>

college

2008-10-05T21:58:00.000-07:00

i've had so much crap to do this and last week that its not even funny. srsly... so much work from so many different things: JimBo's physics HW, Clarke Essay, journo articles... ugh. it makes me sick to think of it, but oh well... at least its done (for now) !

today i had my SSR interview. it went ok i guess. such random questions... "what ru most proud of? what do u want your professor to know about u?" i understand like college is a big thing and schools don't know about me or any other student. but the random questions... it all just really amuses/amazes me. i think most of this crap is overrated for the most part.

i think one person has given me an interesting/fun view on it: Greg.

i was talking to him and his theory is this: we're worrying our asses off over our grades and SATs and essays. so the best way to eliminate the stress is to do this: screw college and don't bother applying.

i was first like "LOLLERSKATES greg!" but then, i thought about it and it sorta started to make sense (i never thought i'd say this). i mean, srsly... when u apply for a job, ppl will look at the school u went to and be like "oh... that's good" or "interesting". but really, it doesn't matter where we go to College. it's more important what we do with whatever we learn in college. it seems like i'm speaking blasphemy, being an asian (indian) kid and not caring.

i care about where i do want to go, but its not like if i don't go to Berkeley or Harvard my life is gonna crash. but srsly... college doesn't define who we are. i have a few friends who went to UC davis and i know someone who went to USC. two of the davis kids, just finishing their undergrad, got pretty good jobs in intel and apple. the USC kid struggled to get out of undergrad. it seems really obscure, but yeah... it does happen. it doesn't matter that they didn't go to "good" places. they made do with where they were and what they had and got somewhere good. and the USC person? they're at Wisconsin State apparently, which sorta surprised me, but w/e.

meanwhile, i'll be stressing over my brown essays which are due in 22 days (thanks for reminders patricia)

Video

2008-09-29T21:43:00.000-07:00

letting go...

2008-09-28T23:40:00.000-07:00

follow up from yesterday's post (Life = Bitch)...

when i heard she liked someone, i was crestfallen. like how could this have happened? what i had hoped for since end of junior year had nose-dived and crashed and i was losing her... for the 2nd time in my life. why was this happening to me?

this reminds me of Kal Ho Naa Ho (an indian movie). long story short: a man gives up his love for the happiness of the girl he likes. Go to Wikipedia to see about the movie OR watch it (trust me... this movie is not THAT sappy and is damn good + comes with subtitles).

my friend then, just 1/2 hour ago, told me something deep (can't say cuz i don't wanna, plus he won't like it either). after thinking about it along with the whole light of things, i really have decided that it might be best to LET HER GO.

yeah... its killing me really badly. and idk what'll become of me and her, mainly me though... cuz i've never been able to tell her the truth about my feelings for her. but i need to let it all go cuz at the end of the day, i wanna see her happy. big whoop, i don't get her as the girl. but the main thing is this: far worse things can happen to someone... losing love isn't the worst; giving her up will be the toughest thing i'll have done till date (yes... harder than APs and other stuff). but i need to do it for her sake... i don't wanna come between her and it all. i <3>

you gotta take tough decisions, but in the end, they're usually worth it

P.S. if she's reading this, i just want her to know this:

I love you 4ever, but i only wanna see u happy. if i see that, then i think it'll be like being together with you. Its hard for me, but I'm doing what I think is gonna be right for me and hopefully you too. take care and stay happy... cuz i don't wanna see u sad no matter what. don't let me see that... cuz it'll kill me.

Life = Bitch

2008-09-28T00:10:00.000-07:00

I've been always trailing behind... especially with her.

idk why... its been like that. the second time now.

Her = girl i like btw

so Her friend and i were discussing HC like 15 min ago in general. then Her friend asks me if i wanna ask someone. i tell her "eh... im not sure." then Her friend tells me how HC is better to go stag and stuff. then she brings up how Her is going stag, though she likes some other dude

record scratch... SAY WHAT??? i can't believe this... really. i mean yeah, she did discuss him a bit as only a friend, which i know pretty damn well right now. then her friend asks me if i wanted to ask Her cuz this might have wrecked my "potential plans", and i tell Her friend no, thus lying to her. what the hell can i say? what the hell should i say?

I was in a similar slush last year... where I could have gotten her, but some bastard beat me to it. The thing is, either A. i'm too damn slow; or B. i'm too damn nervous; or even C. i have no damn clue what i need to do. since i've realized that i like her, i have to concentrate how to ask her. i mean yeah, we've been friends but it can be quite nerve wracking.

it really tears me up... not so much with the crying and shit... but more emotionally. idk how the heck . Both times i realized how much i love her, both times i've been beat out by someone else. i need to make her realize that i am THE one.

my life sucks.... its a bitch

Week 4 of Senior Year

2008-09-20T21:51:00.000-07:00

So I've officially survived 4 weeks of senior year. WOOT!

I never thought that I would get this far fully intact and sane. But I did... and here I am.
These four weeks have been really interesting... and still, awesome.

But I think I've begun to look more deeply at things, like I think about them and try to understand something more about them.
Maybe... it's Lit AP practice with deriving meanings from bits of make-believe rubbish in a span of 25 minutes.
Maybe... its just me maturing and becoming a more intellectual and deep person.
Maybe... damn... can't think of anything else now.

WEEK 1: A Rush of Blood to the Head (Coldplay) and into it all.
Waking up at 3 AM to secure Platt recs was hella fun. Normally, I'm not the guy who does something wild, different, or crazy. But it was awesome: walking around MV at 4 A.M... dragging random chairs outside... playing Big Two with friends... the whole thing was just "WOW... where else and when will I ever be able to do this again in my life?" Then the rush of classes came along and all was well. I had pretty good classes at good times with hella awesome ppl. There wasn't a class/teacher i didn't seem to like. Rally + dance were fun.

WEEK 2: Comfortably Numb (Pink Floyd)
Thank GOD we had a three-day weekend or I would have DIED OF WORK! So it went really well with everything. The usual "Thursday Night Scramble" officially began. This is when teachers give lots of HW due on Friday or I've been procrastinating my ass off. This is the day I'll sleep at 2 AM and I invariably wake up at 7:10 AM, thus not showering and looking as pretty in the morning (i shower every single day in the morning though... and i shower at night on fridays then). um... nm happened so drastic. starting to help friends with counseling for relationships and love. we'll see how it pans out

WEEK 3: Under Pressure (Queen)
Ok... so its getting sorta intense... except not really. Apps are starting to pile up, but at least I got my recommendation letter packets in. I'm kinda scared for the whole college process in general for two main reasons: A. essays + apps overload; and B. transcript/grades. My grades aren't horribly shabby and shitty. But I am still a little worried... cuz my grades can go either way in my advantage or disadvantage. I think this is why I'm overloading on schools and stuff (26 Schools... yes I KNOW I'M KINDA OFF THE WALL AND CRAZY :|) but still... u gotta persist. Yesterday, my mom and dad were like "So Kunal... want to add any more schools to your list so far?" And I was like "I CAN'T ADD MORE SCHOOLS... I REALLY REALLY CAN'T cuz of LoR (letter of rec) shortage and spending way too much on apps and shit like that."

Had first Birdsong test... I CAN'T BELIEVE I MADE SUCH RETARDED MISTAKES WHICH SUNK MY GRADE LIKE HELLA!!! Yeah, I do hate physics from the bottom of my heart, but I still want to keep my grades up . I attribute it all to the following: my stupidity, my carelessness, and uh... yeah... my stupidity! I need to be more damn watchful about wtf is going on.

WEEK 4: Stronger (Kanye West feat. Daft Punk)
"N-n-now that don't kill me, can only make me Stronger." This is how I've been living my life these past couple of days, in regards to like everything. Trying to cram so much in my 24 hours in each day is seeming impossible, albeit the different things I have around me.

- I just realized how much I love Journalism... the whole concept of everything. Late Nights FTW, the rush of work at once, begging Zamboni to speed up.

- LD season beginning =)... I've forgotten how to write a decent case and the tournament is Sept 27. GG Kunal... GG... way to excel with procrastination and related shit... u clearly haven't changed from 7th grade Journalism days.

- Increased counseling abilities... I'm helping more of my friends with their relationship questions and struggles. I should consider doing this full time for pay even though I wanna go into Med.

- College essays are piling on one another and stuff... and idk how i'm gonna get early apps in. Oh... i still need to quickly study for SAT 2 Chem. Gah... only 2 weeks left... idk how i'll do it.

Here's where my philosopher view on life finally kicks in:

It just makes me appreciate my life even more. I mean yeah, its not fun one bit and I feel like just dropping everything where it is and running off somewhere else. It sucks cuz of all the shit i need to deal with all at once. But hey... shit happens. I see it as a tough phase through which I will come out stronger. This is how junior year was for me until the middle of May. There are people out in the world who struggle with so much other more shit like this, like a disease they're gonna die of, or struggling for trying to barely survive and make ends meet. I see all this and I keep thinking to myself, "Kunal... the world can be worse... try to enjoy what's going on."

Since the start of the school year, I've tried to change my lifestyle a little bit and see what happens.
- I've begun to meditate every now and then. I feel a little more calm as a person, kinda like when I go about playing guitar on my bed. Just fixating your mind on something so serene and peaceful as the syllable " Om" or anything at all... it just pervades me with a sense of personal contentment and happiness.
- I decided in June to go vegetarian for the hell of it... to see how it felt to not eat meat of any type, including eggs. At first, I missed KFC and everything chicken related (that's all I would eat). But for the past 3 months, I seem to be a little more peaceful. I feel different, but I really can't describe it. As of now, I'll be veg. In the future, we'll see what happens... i have no idea how the future will pan out.
- I've begun more songwriting and music making, in terms of beats and lyrics and the whole shebang. It's really fun, sitting with my notepad, pencil, guitar, piano, and GarageBand uploaded. All I need is a mic, a Roland Synth, Marshall Amps, and AutoTune... and i'll become a one man band. I might as well buy all the instruments and wear them on me :)

But I think in the midst of everything, I've discovered one thing in the first month of the last year of High School. The secret to enjoying life is to be happy... regardless of what you do or what all happens around you. Remember... you only have one life. Its YOUR job to enjoy it and make the most of it, regardless of what comes your way. Time may pass, but memories will stay with you till the end.

Much love and peace,
Kunal

what is love...

2008-08-31T18:46:00.000-07:00

`so now, i'm taking a break from gov AP and physics reading/HW combination with a splash of some college essays and a pinch of French verb studying (i think i might be screwed if i don't have much of a clue by tomorrow)... oh well, we'll see how's it going tomorrow (actually, now today!)

i think i'll go into a bit about relationships... so i haven't been in an actual relationship EVER, but i've seen a lot of relationships amongst my friends and have had my fair share of 'experiences', but nothing really much. yet, there was this one girl who i saw as the one. idk how much of what i thought is valid now, but yeah... i guess i'll share it cuz... yeah.

i'll name this girl Jane Doe for identity protection (note... if the real Jane Doe ever reads this, don't get pissed off... this is what I feel happened and my views on it. send me your opinion or views, but don't be hating or nothing cuz i'm not the only one to blame)

so i met Jane as a soph in my math class... apparently, a new student from ABC High (again, identity protection). my first reaction: didn't seem to like her so much, but was willing to see how stuff went down with simply knowing her. eventually, got around knowing her and whatnot. went to private school till 8th, went to ABC, then MV for soph year. after talking to her, Jane seemed like a nice person and we were friends for most of soph year. i like her as a friend cuz i thought she and i could talk to each other on the same level, cuz we had some similarities in interests and other stuff. could talk about most stuff, but yeah... was pretty chill. but as the year wound down, i began to like her as more than a friend... she was the first girl i had ever actually loved or even felt some actual emotional emotion towards.

summer: volunteered at diff shifts at the same place, but still kept in contact over summer and stuff. i began to think about her a little more and planned to do possibly ask her out to JP. not to mention, that she was pretty excited for JP already from like summer, so i thought of doing something along those lines

junior year: started out chill, like our normal selves... complaining and bitching to each other about our schedules, calc tests, frq kramfests, etc... the usual lives of juniors. as the year progressed, i had half the mind to tell her i liked her; however, i decided to hold it off for some time cuz of finals and SATs. winter break: thought about her a tad more, and thought about asking her to JP.

semester 2 begins: um... yeah, the usual crap going on in terms of school and learning and everything else; i tell her i've decided who to ask to JP, but i don't tell her and she doesn't bug me much about it. Feb Break: i decide to finally ask her out to JP. back to school, a few more weeks, and i do it. i was a little nervous about doing the whole thing, but i do it and i get a yes (one of the happiest moments of life, now not so much)! so i'm floating on cloud 9, but with some restraint cuz i still have work to do and same for her.

JP: seems like a fairly good day; come home from school, sleep, look good, go meet with our group. her mum seemed to somewhat tolerate/like me (the vibe i was getting), then we're off to dinner and JP. dinner and limo ride are good, JP not bad... except for the fact that i see her dancing with 2 other guys right after i had to make bathroom runs. of course, i'm initially pissed off, but i kinda let it slide and move on. but the night i get back from JP, i realize i'm actually in love with her, but i'm waiting for the right time. meanwhile in school, Jane and I are doing our own work and stressing over APs and finals (who isn't?) and she's still in the back of my mind. i don't really make any obvious signals, but i try to be a tad subtle about stuff with her.... idk if she ever noticed, but i subtly made my intentions clear.

then mid-may... my best friend tells me she was talking to Jane and Jane has a mystery AIM stalker. so later on AIM, i ask Jane what's going on.... until this point, its all good. then the strangest shit happens which fucked up all that could have ever been possible like EVER. apparently, she's under the impression i'm her secret admirer online and goes into a barrage of blatant accusations with giving me a moment to even defend myself. and even when i make some remote effort to defend myself, she crushes it w/o knowing that i didn't do it. even when i tried helping, her response: "what difference will it make? even if it is u, u won't admit and if it isn't, u won't be of much help." we had our rift and signed off.

back to school... i unfortunately have to see her afterwards in lit. i'm almost tempted to run in her face and scream "WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU, YOU CRAZY BITCH? how can u just fucking accuse me of doing some crazy-ass shit i have no clue about? just because u have a inkling that i like you and i am not saying anything, u think u can go about fucking around and going into a mad tirade and venting on me? JUST BECAUSE U THINK YOU'RE RIGHT when ur NOT?" i said nothing though and held my tongue, cuz i knew that if i started, it would get uglier than it should have and it would be bad for both of us and i didn't want it to blow out of proportion.

i talked to some of my closest friends about this, some of who were and still are friends with her. their reaction was common: "why the hell is she doing this shit? she seems pretty fucking paranoid." their question was mine... eventually, Jane and I somewhat left this hanging with the mutual understanding that it was cleared up.

BUT...
it wasn't as good as it seemed... even when i tried to strike up just casual conversation on FB or even AIM, she would be very curt and rude about it, not willing to talk much as if i was responsible for something i had done and i had the audacity to even show my face in front of her, let alone even talk to her. still, i persisted to try to shine some light on this darkness.

start of school: having to deal with her in another of my classes... but its ok. she has someone she can yack her head off to and same with me. again, i try to strike up conversation online, merely asking how she's coping with an injury she recently had. her response: "i don't need u to tell me something i already know... what's with you?" this time, i couldn't hold my tongue: "wtf is wrong with you? i'm just trying to be polite and whatnot... u have no right whatsoever to snub me or anything, cuz i'm not dissing you. i'm just seeing how ur faring and all... when will u learn to have some element of social/civic sense in your sad and lonely life?" then i signed off, content with my response, yet slightly saddened.

friday: school dance... so i have the pleasure of seeing her wonderful face there as well, though i never talk to her. but her bitchiness is what really surprises me... as my friend and i are walking looking for girls to dance with, she comes out of the blue to me and my friend, and drags my friend off to dance with her. so i'm like "uh... wtf?" and i walk off, finding someone else close by to dance with. it gets to the point that every time i see her, she conveniently is dancing with someone else, as if to bite back at me for what happened at JP (so i interpret). so i think "hell... two can play at that game" and i do the same. every time she sees me dancing with another girl, she gives me this really weird look to which i respond back with an annoyed/nonplus look.

moving on from the dance... back to what really ticked me off about her.

so until 6 hours ago, i just think that Jane and I were never meant to be... until my best friend and i are talking about how her ex is calling her and thinks she still loves him even though she has ALREADY moved on after he dumped her while cheating on her with her close friend (long story short, he dumped her but she recovered to own him eventually) somehow, we rope in Jane and how she was running off with her friends when the purpose of JP is to spend time with someone u like, either as a friend OR as a significant other. from this, my best friend tells me something very odd she heard as a rumor, but which may be actually true: Jane only wanted to go with a guy to JP to just get a free ticket in.

suddenly... it all came back to me! her behavior right b4 JP, during JP after photos, even afterwards and what not. as if by magic, everything came back to me ever so clearly and this rumor seemed to fit in to what was going on in the whole scope of things.

lemme clear things up here... i sorta did like her around JP timeframe and also afterwards, but i wasn't like "head over heels" for her... she was a fairly ok girl... simple, but good. i knew that she and I were going as friends to JP, but there were two things which really angered me the most:

she lacked any sort of respect for me and herself . yeah, we weren't gonna be going out, but at least show some respect with the guy you're going with. else, it looks like you're whoring yourself out to guys and it seems like u + morality have no possible connections (so much for being a recently baptized christian)
she was horribly cruel in every way possible! i mean, come on... who plays with someone's emotions like so, and behaves as if i should be feeling guilty for something i haven't even done wrong... for Christ's sake (sorry Jane if i seem to be taking God's name in vain, but hey... u had it coming), u claim to be and portray a very polite and sweet image... try not to be so... (what's the word?) oh yeah... STUPID about it. u can just straightfaced tell me "sorry... i don't really like u for anything more than a friend and i don't want to go to JP with you" instead, she put me through so much emotional shit that I felt i was sinking. (luckily, i took up songwriting and found an avenue to pour out my immense unhappiness of the situation around me back in May)

after all this, i've finally decided the following:

severe all sorts of ties with Jane, cuz it'll be bad for me to even think about her
avoid her as much as possible, cuz i might do or say something i'll eventually regret (for its morality and properness)
make her feel responsible for what she did to me in anyway possible, cuz i can't live with this false regret inside me.

from all this shit between me and Jane, i've seen one thing: first appearances aren't necessary the most precise. to know if the apple is good or bad, u unfortunately need to put yourself through the ordeal of cutting open the apple in order to see if it has worms or not.

so i'll leave y'all with one thing: be VERY CAREFUL about your emotions, cuz u really don't have a damn clue what life can do to you. it'll seem all hunky-dory and everything, but underneath the surface of the placid pond is a not-so-calm cyclone, waiting to wreak havoc with no regrets.

oh... and Jane (i think u know who ur by now... this much i'll be willing to guarantee), try to be a little more forthcoming about your emotions rather than vent them at someone else. it'll seem like the final solution to your problems in the short term. but in terms of long-term solutions, this doesn't and will unfortunately do nothing in fixing or working on your own imperfections and insecurities. sure, i'm an imperfect s.o.b., but the fact of the matter is: i really am ok with admitting my follies. stay happy and learn to chill out along with respecting ppl's emotions.

God bless, and good luck in your life "jane"... lets hope it turns out to be a happy and good one!

First Post... :D

2008-08-31T01:21:00.000-07:00

ok... so i was bored today morning @ 1 am so i decided to go ahead and make a blog where i can freely rant about all the random crap in the world for like forever... and yeah. there you have it

um... Senior Year.
yeah... its fun to yell in everyone else's faces "OO AH... YOU WISH YOU WERE A SENIOR!!!" during rallies and feel sorta godly. but its not as easy as it really seems.... scratch that last bit. it all depends on your schedule and course load. at least mine is considerably lighter than my junior year schedule which was the following: APUSH, AP Bio, AP Chem, AP Calc BC, French 4 Honors, Brit Lit, Int'l Business

APUSH - EZ cuz of platt
AP Bio - ... lets not go there for reasons unexplainable *cough* fallon *cough*
AP Chem - Gupta was/is awesome
Calc - lol... deruiter is a baller (and so was 6th period)
French - good for obvious reasons (i <3>
Brit - good class except for imposed Falsetto singing for Bohemian Rhapsody.... damn- i still can't believe i did that shit
Int'l- joke

Now my schedule = AP French, AP Lit, AP Gov/AP Econ, Physics Honors, Journo, Java

AP French- a good class but hard work necessary ><
AP Lit- thank god Clarke over Javier... but i've forgotten how to right reeznablee good
AP Gov- Recktenwald is good, IDK about AP Econ
Physics Honors- asides from anal notebook requirements, good class with funny jokes
Jounro- seemingly fun (idk much cuz i was a loser and missed camp)
Java- DeRuiter again... but i HATE ALL COMP SCI!!!

yeah... it seems like i have a similar courseload, but trust me... last year was hell on a stick :D anyways... moving on from courseload and all that other crap....

Senior year isn't as simple as it seems: COLLEGE APPS :]
the apps are BS and so damn easy... its the essay that are being all bitchy on me and adding up. its not like i can't write... its just that there's so much crap to write for each school cuz they're, for some odd reason, hella anal about wtf is going on. i mean come on... u guys need to fricking understand the fact that for seniors, from day 1 of school, GRADUATION, LIBERATION, VACATION, AND LONG-TERM EDUCATION (a.k.a. college) are in the minds of seniors (in that order) so they really don't give a shit what's going on around them (hey... these 4 caps words actually rhyme :P)

just uh... yeah. take a tough load, but don't overdo everything in life: that's the advice i give to new sophs and juniors. cuz it can seem like hell.
and it will TrAnSfOrM into hell on earth.
and it will be tough
and you will curse everyone out
and you'll be freaked out
and you'll be emoish (hopefully not)
and blah blah blah (come on guys... ur expecting me to go on? there are too many damn emotions running around in the world around us.

anyways, i'm starting to feel sleepy and i'll guess up at around... 8-9? then work on random crap, and other school work, die of boredom in stanford volunteering, come home to die and sleep and work and go online again.

ttfn